Tell Your Money You "Just Want to be Friends"
by Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil
How to Waste Money
Rational Financial Behavior
Mind Over Money
You need to break up with your money. I don't mean stop spending or attempt to live an extreme life where money isn't necessary. But during a recession, re-evaluating your relationship with money is crucial.
The first step is to realize the areas in your relationship where money has "intruded" to create what I call a triangle. Here are some possible triangles, which I talk about in my book Financial Infidelity and how you can break up these patterns!
- Family/Money/Relationship: Family legacies of money behaviors are not always contained in our subconscious minds. They can be very real! Demands of extended family members for financial support can be one way in which money can encroach and put a strain on a couple's finances and on their relationship.
- Children/Money/Relationship: Nearly 70% of couples experience relationship stress after having kids. When a couple becomes contentious over spending on their children, the couple's relationship can suffer, as can the family's relationship.
- Spending (or saving)/Money/Relationship: This can be a case of "opposites attract" in the extreme. The relationship then becomes at risk for damaging power struggles, sneaky "pay back," and other deceit.
Like I said above, I'm not suggesting to attempt to put money in an unrealistic place in your life, but denying the role money plays, in both your personal life and in your relationships, can have a toxic affect on those relationships. The type of behaviors mentioned negatively influences your relationship with your partner. You may not think of it as cheating, but if you continue in this type of lop-sided relationship, it will take a toll. Attachment to your money can often ruin chances for you and your partner to build an intimate relationship.
Learning to prioritize the role of money in your relationship is an important step toward a healthy dynamic between your, your partner, and your money. In my book, Financial Infidelity, I discuss several exercises that are a good way to do this. Here is one such exercise:
Withdrawals and Deposits:
Day 1: Pretend you have suddenly been forced into bankruptcy. You are poor and have nothing, no money, no investments. Take your negative fantasies into the extreme and imagine yourself selling everything you have, being free of all your material goods.
Day 2: Visualize yourself with plenty of money and all that entails. You are comfortable and able to do the things that are truly important to you.
Day 3: Forever after, be consciously grateful. Each day, count the things you are grateful for.
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil has been an internationally acclaimed relationship therapist for thirty years. New York magazine named her one of the city's top therapists. Her most recent book, Financial Infidelity (now available in paper back) is available on Amazon, as is Make up, Don't Breakup, where she gives couples important tools for making their relationship work through various circumstances. You can also find Dr. Weil and her books on Facebook.
Take the Next Step
- Do you struggle to get ahead financially? Then you'll want to subscribe to our free weekly Surviving Tough Times newsletter. Each issue of this html newsletter features great ways to help you stretch your dollars and make the most of your resources.
Share your thoughts about this article with the editor
Trending on TDS
- Talking to aging parents about finances Expert Interview
- How are relationships affected by money?
- The emotions behind buying stuff
- Should you create a trust?
- Are hidden fees stealing your retirement?
- How do I make my spouse a tightwad?
- Tips for radical cost cutting
- Control your spending by using cash
- How investing style changes over your lifetime
- 5 poor ways to save (and how to do better)
- What to do if your credit card rate goes up
- 40-something and way behind on saving for retirement
- 5 big bills you can cut fast
- Money-saving secrets of the rich and frugal
- Reduce your debt with this free debt course by The Dollar Stretcher
- Reduce your debt payoff time
- Find a better credit card rate
- Get better savings & MMA rates