Are you buying a house or buying a home?

How to Decide between Renting or Buying a House

by Don Harrold

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"You are fettered," said Scrooge, trembling. "Tell me why?"
"I wear the chain that I forged in life," replied the Ghost. "I made it link by link, and yard by yard; I girded it on of my own free will, and of my own free will I wore it. Is its pattern strange to you?"
- Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol

It's saddening that many Americans now feel bound by the legal chains of a mortgage. They girded it on of their own free will, before their house's equity fell to a level less than the loan's value or before they lost the income that supported said loan.

A common thread of many cases is that people believed the advertising that touted that you can buy your own home, implying that a residence can't be a home unless it's purchased. Even though the average American lives for six years in a residence that they bought, purchase implies permanence, adulthood and financial success. Commercials created for the National Association of Realtors in this housing downturn state that it's never been a better time to buy your own home. Go to any residential builder's website and you'll find multiple references to the word home, but almost never the word house.

While there are good reasons for buying a house, thinking that purchase automatically makes it a home isn't one of them. In a society that prizes time management and quick gratification, we've forgotten that a home isn't a physical place or thing. A home is a sense, a belief and a feeling. It arises from our cumulative actions and attitudes instead of the workmanship of the carpenters and plumbers that completed the structure. They simply provide the physical structure from the materials, but we take that structure and create a home in which to raise our children. Homes are made, not built.

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Our country prizes property ownership and rightfully so. But not too long ago we staked our economy on how many own houses and the collective value of those houses. The government and FIRE industries - Financial, Insurance, Real Estate - promoted sales in order to keep the collective value of housing from falling further. Additional drops meant larger holes in the balance sheets of financial institutions that needed to be plugged. The last recession and credit crisis were directly linked to the value of housing.

Their concern is the system and not the family. The family is your concern. So here is my point. If you're a father and you and your mate are looking to buy a house, make sure that you think clearly and aren't manipulated. Consider neighborhoods and schools. Evaluate commuting distance and whatever other factors matter to you. But all else being equal, don't think that a purchase agreement is automatically superior to a lease. There are landlords who love a good tenant and will work with them as the situation changes. You only have to ask. And if it doesn't work out, the costs are far less than having to contend with trying to sell a house and being stuck with the mortgage. Being chained to a house can destroy the home that you're trying to create.

Updated July 2017

Don Harrold is the Founder of and a father who resigned from corporate life to manage the household and raise three children. Along with discovering the trials and joys of fatherhood, Don shows dads how to redefine what it is to be a father who's blending that with roles previously held by the mother.

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