Advice from Mom: Pearls of Wisdom

Rae Osenbaugh


-- Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
-- Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
-- For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
-- I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
-- Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
-- Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
-- There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
-- Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
-- A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
-- I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
-- Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out.

-- Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.
-- It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
-- Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
-- Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
-- Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
-- COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key
-- Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
-- Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
-- My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
-- C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL
-- C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN
-- The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
-- BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
-- Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!
-- C:\ Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
-- As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
-- ... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
-- A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord.
-- Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
-- Windows: Just another pane in the glass.
-- SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .
-- All computers wait at the same speed.
-- DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors.
-- Press CTRL-ALT-DEL to continue ...
-- Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....
-- Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
-- E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.
-- Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!!
-- Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
-- DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS
-- Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
-- Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
-- Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
-- Read my chips: No new upgrades!
-- Hit any user to continue.
-- I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!
-- Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?
-- Disk Full - Press F1 to belch.
-- Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (T)hrowup
-- Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
-- (A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network?
-- If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.
-- Programmer - A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects.
-- Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.
-- 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
-- Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
-- ...Every morning is the dawn of a new error...
-- A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.
-- I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...
-- Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.
-- If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
-- If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
-- Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.
-- Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
-- Look out for #1. Don't step in #2 either.
-- Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
-- <-------- The information went data way -------->
-- E Pluribus Modem
-- Does fuzzy logic tickle?
-- 11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium.
-- Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.
-- RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.

Have a good day!
Rae


Rae is the mother of nine (and grandmother of two) in central Nebraska. She says her house runs smoothly due to "organized chaos, and lots of lists! Anyone wishing to drop her a line is welcome to at rae@kdsi.net

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