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copyright 1998
- After a few years of collective denial, lots of folks are waking up to the potential hardships that could result in the beginning of the year 2000, if computer systems that we rely on are not upgraded to handle the rollover to 2000 in their computer code. Opinions on this matter span from insistence that it's a whole lot of hype, to fears of a global recession and riots in the street. What do you do when you and your spouse or business partner feels very differently about how to prepare for Y2k? My husband Stephen and I are resolving this very conflict.
- I noticed several months ago that my husband seemed a bit more withdrawn and preoccupied than usual. He acknowledged that he was beginning to read up on Y2k and that he was very concerned about protecting our family from its potential threat to our comfort and livelihood. At that time, I fell in the camp of people who were ignoring Y2k and assuming that somehow the "experts" would take care of it.
- As I listened to what Stephen felt compelled to do in order to prepare for a worst case scenario, I knew that trying to convince Stephen that he was overreacting would get me nowhere. When a man needs to protect his family, it is a biological imperative that doesn't respond well to the reasoned rationale of a wife who, in his opinion, "just doesn't get it." He and I agreed that together, we would choose a prudent and considered approach that we each could live with. Stephen presented me with his ideal plan and what it would cost, and we negotiated a compromise - more than I would spend without his insistence, and less than he would spend if I was totally on board.
If you are in this situation with your spouse or business partner, I urge the following:
1) Choose a moderate approach, one that addresses potential calamity, but doesn't make the less concerned individual feel that they are living with a lunatic who is about to sell the house, the business and all of their assets, and go live in the woods. Karen Anderson, Founder of Y2k Women, <http://www.Y2kwomen.com> started what is now considered one of the most helpful internet websites for Y2k because she recognized an increasingly common and ineffective scenario.
Karen says, "Men were reading about Y2k, overreacting, coming home and telling their wives - 'Honey, we're putting the house on the market' without giving them time to look into Y2K for themselves and understand the problem. In their zeal to convince their loved one that the risk is real, and because of the obvious time pressures inherent in Y2k, many men pushed too hard and ended up with the other person "digging their heels in" and not wanting to discuss Y2k at all." Visit Karen's website if you want an explanation of Y2k that doesn't assume you are computer literate. She explains the problem in easily accessible language.
2) When you choose a moderate approach, my advice to the more skeptical spouse is this: Agree to at least the minimum requirement that your spouse needs in order to calm down. For example, maybe that person would like to pull all of your money from the savings account and put it under the mattress, an idea you find preposterous. Don't react by refusing to do anything. Rather, find out the minimum cash that individual needs to have on hand to feel safer. Even if you don't agree to pull out all of your funds, you can still liquidate a percentage of your investments, or keep an agreed upon stash of cash in the house.
Robert Sullivan, small business and e-commerce consultant in Great Falls, Virginia, was one of the first consultants in America to start educating the public about Y2k. Two partners consulted with him when one partner wanted to pull out all of their investments, and the other partner wanted Bob to "help his partner get a grip." This kind of divisiveness can ruin a partnership. It was wise of them to bring in a third party to help them mediate the conflict. Bob helped the panicking partner see how expensive it could be to close all of their money management accounts, especially if stocks are up and they would have to pay capital gains. He outlined for them some reasonable steps they could take to be better prepared, (visit his website at http://www.isquare.com for ideas), and both partners were able to find a middle ground.
3) If you are the more zealous Y2k person in your marriage or partnership, don't rely on your spouse or partner for your support team. Network with other people who are as concerned as you. Karen advises: "Don't try to be the one to convince your spouse that it's real. Often a friend or neighbor can convince your spouse much easier than you can." ( One word of caution: If you get over-involved in your network, spending all of your free time surfing Y2k sites and talking to Y2k buddies, your spouse will feel left out, and start to worry that you are developing a cultish mentality. Everything in moderation, please).
4) View Y2k preparation as preparation for any kind of natural disaster. Even if you aren't convinced that Y2k is a real threat, you can see the wisdom in preparing for a potential tornado, hurricane, ice storm, loss of power, or other very possible scenarios. Then, you and your partner get released from the argument over whether Y2k is a valid concern.
My final advice is this: If you are the skeptical spouse or partner, recognize the positive intentions that your partner has. He or she is motivated by a strong need for self-protection, and love and concern for his or her family and business. Don't turn this into a power struggle. Find a way to meet this potential crisis as a team and you will both be a lot happier.
Azriela Jaffe is the founder of "Anchored Dreams" http://www.isquare.com/crlink.htm, and author of "Honey, I Want to Start my Own Business, A Planning Guide for Couples" ( Harper Business 1996), and "Let's Go Into Business Together, Eight Secrets for Successful Business Partnering" (Avon Books 1998). For free online newsletter for entrepreneurial couples, or for information about her syndicated column, "Advice from A-Z", email az@azriela.com. Questions and reader response can be emailed, or write to PO Box 209, Bausman, PA 17504
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